'Easy' Doesn't Mean it's a Cakewalk

The decision to have kids was one that my husband and I had made years before we got married. It wasn’t a decision as such, more of an agreement on what we had always wanted for our lives together – to raise a family and live happily ever after. So when we decided to start trying for a baby and then fell pregnant straight away, I couldn’t believe how perfectly things had gone for us. When I say ‘I couldn’t believe it...’ I mean that quite literally – I couldn’t accept that things had happened so easily and I convinced myself that the pregnancy would fail. It wasn’t all in my head - there were worrying signs that the pregnancy may not progress, and as these continued and the weeks went on I resigned myself to miscarriage in an effort to prepare myself for a loss. I was worried, sad, and miserable, and felt unable to take any joy in what was meant to be one of the most exciting stages of my married life. I found these early months of the pregnancy very difficult, and I wish we had sought the support and warmth of My Midwives earlier than we did.

And so I couldn’t believe the image on the monitor when we went for our 12-week scan - a perfectly formed baby that kicked and wiggled about. Wow, I really was going to have a baby! I loved every minute of the remainder of my pregnancy, and relished the excitement and anticipation that my husband and I shared.

Things continued well for us with the birth of our daughter. We had a healthy little girl who fed and slept well, was loved by many and seemed happy and content. She is what most people would call an ‘easy’ baby, although I wonder how many first-time mothers actually use this term. Of all the advice I was given when pregnant (and there was plenty!) the comment I was most grateful for in those early weeks was this: “Remember, even if you have an ‘easy’ baby, it’s still okay to find it hard.” I have somewhat of a short tether, and I’ve always worried that my tendency to become easily frustrated would be a major shortcoming in my abilities as a mother. I can’t remember how old my baby was the first time that I yelled at her when she wouldn’t stop crying, but I do remember the shocked look on her little face. I quickly put her in her bassinette and walked into the lounge room and sat down and cried. My fears were confirmed – I couldn’t handle caring for a baby. How was I going to cope when she was a toddler? What about when I had more than one child to care for? The disappointment I felt in myself was matched only by my guilt for what I had done.  I wish I could say I never lost my temper and yelled at her again, but I’m sure in the haze of those sleep-deprived early weeks it happened more than once.

Everyone said that things would get easier, and gradually they have. I know that I feel more like myself now; however I know that fundamentally I am forever changed. It’s not a piece of my heart that is attached to my daughter - it feels more like a piece of my gut, my core. It’s hard to describe, but I live in a whole different world now, and she is at its centre.
I realise now that of all the expectations I had of how life as a mother would be, what I wasn’t prepared for was the love. Nothing can prepare you for that. It sort of snuck up on me until I realised it one day when she smiled gently at me from her cot. The love grows with each grasp of her little hand, gazes from big blue eyes that look up at me while she feeds, and smiles that transform her little face. Each gummy grin she bestows makes my eyes water with tears.  She has been smiling for weeks, and I am still afflicted with my misty-eyed condition! How long does this last for? Surely I can endure a smile dry-eyed one day?
The best part is that I know it’s going to keep getting even better. I know the challenging times aren’t over, and I know that in some ways, it is the love that will make things really hard sometimes. But I think that it’s the love that will get us through, too.

Thank you to our guest blogger.

If children's drawings were toys...............

I found these at a studio which creates these soft toy's based on childrens drawings.  What a compliment to your child to have their creation come alive! 

Today

After a long day I sit here at 11:59pm to just capture a few minutes of my day for Makayla to post in the morning.

Today I have been blessed in many ways – to be there at a wonderful birth, to see a woman who had a difficult time in birth transforming into an amazing mother in front of my eyes, to the good fortune to share another pregnancy with a dear client and friend, to have news that I will have a new nanny in the middle of next week (thank goodness!).

However I have also experienced a really sad day.  I cannot work out what we do to make sure that women REALLY know that they have choices in their care.

Today I have experienced the good (above), the bad (women “finding” us well through pregnancy) and the ugly (women experiencing things no one should ever have to experience and “finding” us way down the track).

I really, really respect the choices that women make – seeing a GP, caseload midwifery care, care with us, private obstetrician, elective caesarean, water birth – but I just WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW THAT THEY HAVE CHOICES.  The choices may be simple to make – being off the bed when they birth their baby – or complex – having a home birth in many areas in Queensland.  But we all do have the ability and the right to make choices for ourselves and our babies. 

Please take the time today to just pass the information on to a pregnant friend, relative or colleague.  They have choices.  If they don’t feel “right” in their stomach about the choice they have made, they need to get more information and make another choice. 

Liz x

What's right for us.

When I became pregnant I had no idea what was involved, just that i wanted a natural birth. We had private health cover and an obstetrician lined up but something didn’t feel right. We met with My Midwives and knew their model of care was the right choice for us.

Over the pregnancy my husband and I both looked forward to the antenatal visits in their cosy office, which came to feel like a second home. Any concerns or questions we had were met with honesty, up to date information and experience allowing me to make my own decisions, and be supported in whatever decision I made. Having my own midwife allowed me to get to know her over the course of my pregnancy, and her to understand me as an anxious first time mum.   When I went into labour I felt comfortable knowing she was only a phone call away and was there to reassure me, hold my hand, support my husband and greet my little one when she entered the world.

Before I had a baby I didn’t realise how much I needed the post care support service. We don’t have family close by so having someone you trust visit you at home just took one less stress out of those first few days, plus you didn’t have to get dressed and leave the house for a baby clinic. They were available 24/7 and came over any time we needed them to make sure all 3 of us were doing okay. Plus, I couldn’t wait each day to show off the little person we’d seen grow in my belly for so long.

I can’t wait to have another baby!

Frohe Ostern!

These gorgeous little eggs  remind me of making the "Osterbaum" in German classes at school.  The "Osterbaum" are either decorated trees or cut branches which are brought in the house and decorated with hand painted wooden eggs, hollowed our real eggs and other pretty garlands.  What a way to add a festive atmosphere to the Easter Holidays!

If you do choose to follow the link you will see some other lovely finds in the way of easter activities you can do with your children over the break that don't necessarily involve chocolate.  We would love to hear your ideas about how you celebrate in your house.

We hope you have a "Happy Easter" wherever you may be in the world!
 My Midwives x

Moments and Memories

I have been very fortunate to have had the majority of the last two weeks with my family.  I must say it has been difficult to shut down the computer, field the emails and phone calls and generally "switch off", I think I have been running on remote control for the last couple of months.

My holiday has been a time of resting and also reflection about the year. We went to the coast for a week and as I was watching my gorgeous boys in their various activities - swimming, fishing, sand castle making and breaking, it struck me how quickly my babies have turned into little boys.  I know it is cliche because everyone says "how quickly the grow" but it REALLY does. 

I remember vividly the first moments I met our boys, the immediate rush of love for our first and the complete shock of the seconds speedy arrival (the love took a few minutes to arrive with him but no less powerful)!  I really can't believe it is nearly six years ago. 

So some friendly advice to all the mamma's who have just had their babe's or the mamma's tapping their fingers waiting for a niggle.  Take it slowly, relish in the moments, treasure the time, even the tough stuff because before you know it the first day of school approaches and they are starting to paddle into the big wide world.   

All my holiday thinking has brought me to two of my 2012 resolutions - 1. children first and 2. slow down because I want to by part of as many moments and memories as I can. 

Hopefully by writing my resolve here it will keep me honest!    M x
 

My three.

The Bachelor of Midwifery

My Midwives is a clinical site for Griffith University's Midwifery Program.  We have had several information evenings to talk about the course and we always get asked the question "can I fit this course into my life?".  What better way to answer this than hear from a B Mid student who is a mother of two and works part time.  Her committment and drive to become a midwife has allowed her to achieve work, study and everything that goes with having a family. 

I guess if something is that important to you, you just go ahead and do it.  If you are interested in studying to be a midwife applications for the course are still open until until the 20th of December for the 12th of January round offer through QTAC.  If you have futher questions you can contact info@mymidwives.com.au.   The post is by Jodie who is also an active member of the Friends of the Birth Centre in Toowoomba, yes she is quite a woman!

A Student's Perspective

My passion for midwifery developed after experiencing the births of my two children and being inspired by the midwives who supported me. I fell in love with pregnancy and birth, and here began my insatiable thirst for information and knowledge about the process and intricacies of the miracle of birth. Midwifery seemed a little of reach for me as I had no interest in nursing the ‘unwell’ but rather in supporting women at an extremely empowering time of their life.

Enter  B.Mid!

I have just completed my first year of full time study. It has been one of the most demanding years of my life but by far one of the most enjoyable and fulfilling. I have had the opportunity to deepen my understanding of the beginning of new life and birth and have also had the privilege of supporting some amazing women who have kindly agreed to allow me some practical insight into their birthing journey. I have learnt from and worked alongside talented and passionate midwives who are inspirational in their love for their vocation.

The ‘mixed mode’ delivery allows you to work in your own time – around a job, your family and other commitments. The shifts at the hospital can fit around your schedule, allowing you to achieve what you need to do at the most appropriate time for you. However, you are not left alone. The support from the clinical lecturers has been invaluable; providing clinical support and encouragement as well as opportunities for debriefing and development.

The theory this year has included topics such as the history and foundation of midwifery, basic health and nursing skills, communication skills, research development, supporting women from conception to the postpartum period, the human body systems and the development of the baby. 

The course is impressive with the amount of practical opportunities that are presented. I have been involved in the care of over 70 women (and their babies), supported women in over 20 births and have caught six beautiful babies! This year has deepened my passion for midwifery and the provision of woman-centered care to all expectant mothers. I am anticipating the New Year and can’t wait to get my hands on the second year studies! It is busy, it is demanding (physically, mentally, and emotionally!!!) but one of the most rewarding courses you could ever do. Anything worth doing always is!