'Easy' Doesn't Mean it's a Cakewalk

The decision to have kids was one that my husband and I had made years before we got married. It wasn’t a decision as such, more of an agreement on what we had always wanted for our lives together – to raise a family and live happily ever after. So when we decided to start trying for a baby and then fell pregnant straight away, I couldn’t believe how perfectly things had gone for us. When I say ‘I couldn’t believe it...’ I mean that quite literally – I couldn’t accept that things had happened so easily and I convinced myself that the pregnancy would fail. It wasn’t all in my head - there were worrying signs that the pregnancy may not progress, and as these continued and the weeks went on I resigned myself to miscarriage in an effort to prepare myself for a loss. I was worried, sad, and miserable, and felt unable to take any joy in what was meant to be one of the most exciting stages of my married life. I found these early months of the pregnancy very difficult, and I wish we had sought the support and warmth of My Midwives earlier than we did.

And so I couldn’t believe the image on the monitor when we went for our 12-week scan - a perfectly formed baby that kicked and wiggled about. Wow, I really was going to have a baby! I loved every minute of the remainder of my pregnancy, and relished the excitement and anticipation that my husband and I shared.

Things continued well for us with the birth of our daughter. We had a healthy little girl who fed and slept well, was loved by many and seemed happy and content. She is what most people would call an ‘easy’ baby, although I wonder how many first-time mothers actually use this term. Of all the advice I was given when pregnant (and there was plenty!) the comment I was most grateful for in those early weeks was this: “Remember, even if you have an ‘easy’ baby, it’s still okay to find it hard.” I have somewhat of a short tether, and I’ve always worried that my tendency to become easily frustrated would be a major shortcoming in my abilities as a mother. I can’t remember how old my baby was the first time that I yelled at her when she wouldn’t stop crying, but I do remember the shocked look on her little face. I quickly put her in her bassinette and walked into the lounge room and sat down and cried. My fears were confirmed – I couldn’t handle caring for a baby. How was I going to cope when she was a toddler? What about when I had more than one child to care for? The disappointment I felt in myself was matched only by my guilt for what I had done.  I wish I could say I never lost my temper and yelled at her again, but I’m sure in the haze of those sleep-deprived early weeks it happened more than once.

Everyone said that things would get easier, and gradually they have. I know that I feel more like myself now; however I know that fundamentally I am forever changed. It’s not a piece of my heart that is attached to my daughter - it feels more like a piece of my gut, my core. It’s hard to describe, but I live in a whole different world now, and she is at its centre.
I realise now that of all the expectations I had of how life as a mother would be, what I wasn’t prepared for was the love. Nothing can prepare you for that. It sort of snuck up on me until I realised it one day when she smiled gently at me from her cot. The love grows with each grasp of her little hand, gazes from big blue eyes that look up at me while she feeds, and smiles that transform her little face. Each gummy grin she bestows makes my eyes water with tears.  She has been smiling for weeks, and I am still afflicted with my misty-eyed condition! How long does this last for? Surely I can endure a smile dry-eyed one day?
The best part is that I know it’s going to keep getting even better. I know the challenging times aren’t over, and I know that in some ways, it is the love that will make things really hard sometimes. But I think that it’s the love that will get us through, too.

Thank you to our guest blogger.

Grandparents

That unconditional, overpowering love you feel when you give birth changes your life.

I have been blessed with two amazing daughters.  Of course there have been times in their lives when I have been fearful for them, afraid of the choices they made.  Other times I have been intensely proud of them, rejoicing in their choices!  Cried with and for them as they had their hearts broken, and celebrated when they have announced they have found the man they wished to spend the rest of their lives with.

I was totally unprepared for the emotion I felt when each of them, in turn, announced they were to become mothers. To see them grow both physically and emotionally during their pregnancies.  The knowledge they acquired during this time, making sure they were comfortable with the choices they made.  I know that both girls were much more informed than ever I was during my pregnancies.

I now have four amazing grandchildren.  It is impossible to describe the love I have for them, somehow I almost feel as though I have been given a “second chance”.  I certainly do not have the day to day responsibility, but feel if it is possible to pass on some of the experiences of my life and to be privileged to assist with the teaching, by example, of values and respect that I hope my children’s children will accept in their daily lives. Words can’t really describe this relationship, only a grandparent really knows what it is like to experience this uniqueness, the undying love that will never fade.  The forgiveness I know I will have when they falter and the pride at every success be it small or large.  The wonder at seeing a baby’s eyes light up when there is recognition of your face, their first steps, first swimming lesson,  first day at school, first public performance and so the “firsts” continue.

To every grandmother who has lost a grandchild, my heart goes out to you.  I cannot imagine a more difficult loss.

To my beautiful daughters, thank you for giving me this most precious gift.  And to God for his amazing blessings.

“A garden of Love grows in a Grandmother’s heart”  Author Unknown

Post by Guest Blogger

There's a bear in there.................

I think nearly every child in Australia watches playschool at some point in their life.  My sister and I would sit down everyday to watch our favourite presenter Noni along with Benita, John and Colin. 

We used to have competitions to see who could guess which window "round, arched or square" would be picked and what magic lay behind it.  I remember fighting with her about what was better, the rocket or the flower (it's still rocket) and getting excited about the story that was revealed  when it turned around.

It makes you realise how far things have come when you look at your children playing the Playschool App on your i-pad. 

Children still get a lot of enjoyment and education out of playschool so that's why we are pleased to announce that My Midwives is giving away 1 adult and 2 children's (infants are free) tickets to the Playschool concert on the Wednesday 13th of June, 2012 at 11:30am in a Rafflecopter giveaway. 

There are a few different ways to enter which are all on our Facebook page.   All you need to do is "like" us on Facebook, answer the question  "There was a bear in there, what else?" or refer a friend to our page.  A winner will be announced on Friday the 8th of June. 

If this makes you feel all nostalgic go have a look on You Tube at the old Playschool introduction it brings back a lot of memories.  Good luck and have fun!

If children's drawings were toys...............

I found these at a studio which creates these soft toy's based on childrens drawings.  What a compliment to your child to have their creation come alive! 

Important stuff .....

I have a little book by Cynthia Copeland called "Really important stuff my kids have taught me."  I like to read it every now and then to have a laugh, be inspired by the little bites of wisdom and metaphors for life.

Here are a few of my favourites.

 

Ask for sprinkles.

Sometimes you find the coolest dragonfly when you're out looking for tadpoles.



Even Superman probably tries to fly higher and faster.





If it's going to be two against one make sure you're not the one.



What important stuff have your children taught you?

 

 

Frohe Ostern!

These gorgeous little eggs  remind me of making the "Osterbaum" in German classes at school.  The "Osterbaum" are either decorated trees or cut branches which are brought in the house and decorated with hand painted wooden eggs, hollowed our real eggs and other pretty garlands.  What a way to add a festive atmosphere to the Easter Holidays!

If you do choose to follow the link you will see some other lovely finds in the way of easter activities you can do with your children over the break that don't necessarily involve chocolate.  We would love to hear your ideas about how you celebrate in your house.

We hope you have a "Happy Easter" wherever you may be in the world!
 My Midwives x

The Importance of You!

At My Midwives we are all busy Mum's and Grandma's and we have done what many women have done and put ourselves after family, after children and after work.  Hello extra kilos, particularly evident when Bec and I realised we were pretty snug on the two seater couch together!

For some reason over the last six weeks we have all taken the plunge, into healthier eating and exercise. Please note the picture of Bec and I after our first Mum's and Bub's gym session at Fighting Fit - still smiling, just!  A lot of fun and hilarity was had by all  whilst our toddlers and babies played, cried, slept and did what children do.  With that kind of chaos it is definitly our kind of place!

Anyway after our gym session we realised how much we had enjoyed spending some time focusing on ourselves.  It may have been a little out of the box (for us) and we have the sad, sore, sorry muscles to prove it but the underlying purpose was, we were taking time out, something that both Bec and I have been really lacking. I feel pretty proud that we have made the initial step because I know that forgetting "me" has definitly had an impact on the way I mother my children and the relationship with my husband. 
                                                                           
Do you spend time on you?  How and when?   Do you feel like you are a different mother when you do make time for you?  Maybe for you it isn't the gym, maybe it's reading a book, taking a walk, getting your nails done, writing a journal or coffee with a friend - I would encourage you all to make the committment at least once a week if you can.

As mothers it is too easy to say I will worry about me tomorrow but how do we stay happy, balanced people if we always put ourselves last? Perhaps the simple wisdom of Echart Tolle "if not now, when?" is something we should all adopt because when you really think about it, life is pretty short!
M x