An almighty powerful special woman and Mum.

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My Birth story... hmmm when I went to write my birth story, a little while ago now, my first thought was sure I can do that.. then I tried and my tears welled up and I made a mess of the paper I was writing on. My story is filled with tears both sad and joyous. Today I am typing my story with the keyboard pushed far away from me so as not to short it out with those same tears. I apologise also in advance as it is a long story.

To tell the story of how I came to birth with My Midwives I must tell a little of my first birth to my gorgeous son Ashton. Ashton’s pregnancy was wonderful, I used to enjoy folding his tiny clothes on my bump as it grew. I believed I could have a natural, normal birth the way women have done for eons. I signed up to have midwife care through the hospital in the hopes to achieve this. I researched and researched on everything I wanted to happen and not to happen when I went into labor and because of this my birth plan was extensive.

When 40 weeks came and Ashton didn’t the doctors started to discuss induction. I took it in but just told myself he would come and it wouldn’t be necessary. The next week dragged on. I knew I wanted to let Ashton come when he wanted to but he seemed quite intent on staying put. When 40 weeks and 10 days was drawing close the doctors started insisting I couldn’t go over the 10 days as it would be extremely harmful to my baby boy and that all the research I had done was unfounded. On top of that they insisted I would go in to be induced on the 8th day because the 10^th day fell on a Sunday. I crumbled under the pressure and was admitted for induction Friday morning. A cascade of interventions is what happened, something I had read about but not researched quite enough. My body and my baby were subjected to one thing after another despite constantly requesting for second opinions or flat out saying no.

When my body rejected every interference, and my life and the life of my baby boy was put in danger I felt I had no will left to fight and no voice left to fight with. When hours had passed and Ashton had still not descended past 4cms the doctors started to tell me it had been too long and an emergency caesarean was required. I asked for my baby to be given to me straight after birth but they refused. I fought that they would let my husband go and have the skin to skin in the nursery while they did the necessary observations , and this they agreed to. I was wheeled into the theatre and Ashton was born. I was crying and although extremely happy my baby boy was safe and well, I felt a failure. I got to see him for such a short time before they took him away and wheeled me in the opposite direction alone. I was put into recovery and left all alone with no support. It was a good 3 hours before I saw Ashton again. I was still numb to my shoulders so a nurse had to latch him on for his first feed which didn’t go very well and resulted in severely damaged nipples.

The first few weeks of Ashton’s life were extremely difficult, I had post-natal depression and didn’t know it. I felt like my body had failed me, that something was wrong with me and that I was less of a woman, less of a mother because of this. It took a very long time for me to realise it was not my fault. Also that it wasn’t just any one doctor’s fault either, but rather the system and the policies and the belief that exists in this world at the moment that a woman cannot do what nature intended of her without these interventions.

Fast forward a year and I was slowly starting to deal with everything that happened. I was starting to think about the possibility of having a second child and doing it the natural, normal way. I again researched and researched and researched some more til I understood exactly what had happened the first time. My husband and I decided to start trying for baby #2 and. after a very traumatic miscarriage, we were again pregnant. I was determined to not let a cascade of interventions rob me of my joy the way it had the first time.

I started to look for extra support for my cause in the form of a midwife. This is when I came across the team at my midwives. I was able to meet with them and share a little of my story and I was heard! From the first step in their home I was welcomed and loved and made to feel every bit a strong and powerful woman. I was teamed up with Ros and with her help we made our way through every little hiccup through my pregnancy, and I must say most of those hiccups were my tears and dull self-belief. My midwife and the whole team at my midwives empowered me to be the woman I am again. With every visit a little more tarnish was removed from my self belief.

It was not an easy pregnancy like Ashton’s was. My little girl Amelia was determined from the start to be so very different from her older brother. But I was able to deal with everything we came across thanks to the midwives. Being able to walk into my appointments with my special midwife and getting cuddles, rescue remedy, and being listened to was everything I needed. 

As we neared Amelia’s due date I started to worry that she would be late and the doctors would want to push induction again. My midwife was always calm about this which in turn calmed me down. She was always so positive that it would be ok that Amelia wouldn’t be late so we needn’t worry. On Amelia’s due date I decided I would clean the house so that Amelia would have to make her appearance. Instead I ended up with a very strange complex migraine and was admitted to the hospital for the night for observations.

My Midwife showed real concern for me and I was comforted by her and her care for me. While I was in the hospital I was awoken by the first of my labor pains. I remember thinking “well at least I’m in the right place for it”. The next day with my head returned to normal I went home to see what my labor would do. It progressed slowly through the day until late that night( a Friday) I couldn’t labor quietly at home anymore. When we rang my midwife she kept me calm and said she would meet us at the hospital. When we got to the hospital my midwife listened to me and how I felt. She understood that I was the best person to listen to about how I felt. I was feeling a pain in my caesarean scar that I was separate from the labor pains I was having. When I expressed that I wished to stay in the birthing suite to be observed I was listened to. My midwife ensured that I was made comfortable and that anything that was going to happen would only happen if I was comfortable with it.

My midwife stayed with me for support for the most part of the night and I am very grateful for that. In the early hours of the morning I was getting extremely tired and the pain through my scar was starting to worry me. I also felt that I was not progressing and apon being checked this was found to be so. Without any input from anyone else I made the decision to have another caesarean.

When I asked my midwife this she asked if it was definitely what I wanted but assured me that it was my decision and she would support whatever I wanted to do. I felt thanks to my midwife I was empowered enough to make the decision for myself without feeling like a failure. We had to wait for the doctors to be ready and it was a few hours before this was so. The entire time we were waiting I was still having contractions but no progress was being made. Ros was with the supporting me the whole time.

When it was time we were wheeled into the theatre my midwife was with me. She was there for support the whole time. We have beautiful pictures of the birth of Amelia thanks to my midwife! This time there was no question that I was going to get to do skin to skin with my baby girl as soon as possible! There was also no question that both my midwife and my husband would be with me in the recovery room.

When Amelia was born she came out with the happiest cry I have ever heard. It was as if she was calling out “I’m here! It’s about time!” I had no tears this time I was just extremely happy. In the recovery room along with my midwife and my hubby I was able to have skin to skin with my baby girl for the first time! This time she made her own way to my breast for her first feed and it was an absolutely beautiful and breathtaking moment. It was moments filled with laughter though as my newborn Amelia had a good look around at everyone in the room before having a feed! Something a newborn shouldn’t be able to do! My midwife was able to capture these moments on camera for us.

The next few days in the hospital were rough but my midwife called in on me and checked on me when she could. I ended up with a post-natal depression despite the birth going so well this time. With the help and support of my midwife though, a solution to help me was worked out.

For the first 6 weeks of Amelias life and my midwife was a constant support for me when I needed it and even after our time with my midwives came to an end my midwife is still a constant source of support and love and help. I still suffer badly with the complex migraines so don’t make it into the house very often but when I do get down there the My Midwives team always welcomes me with open arms and warm hugs!

I could never ever thank my Midwife and the Team as much as I wish I could. I was helped to believe in myself again. I was empowered with the knowledge that I can make decisions for myself and be supported in those decisions. I was also helped to feel like a woman, a mum, and an almighty powerful special one at that!