Important stuff .....

I have a little book by Cynthia Copeland called "Really important stuff my kids have taught me."  I like to read it every now and then to have a laugh, be inspired by the little bites of wisdom and metaphors for life.

Here are a few of my favourites.

 

Ask for sprinkles.

Sometimes you find the coolest dragonfly when you're out looking for tadpoles.



Even Superman probably tries to fly higher and faster.





If it's going to be two against one make sure you're not the one.



What important stuff have your children taught you?

 

 

4am - really?

We had to get up early this morning. I set the alarm for a 5:00am start thinking this would be plenty of time for us to get moving and some would say a slightly respectable hour. I would say maybe for triathletes, Olympic swimmers and swanky businesses men but not me.

Anyway, my little people, who are so excited about the days adventures, had other ideas and thought 4:00am would be a more appropriately hour.

Needless to say I am currently drinking a largish coffee watching the sun rise.

This 4:00am encounter with the world has made me empathise with my sister whose 19 month old darling has taken to waking at this time. Daily. For the last three months. She is also feeding a 12 week old baby at some point during the night. How is she surviving?

How did you manage patches like this as a new parent or a parent with toddlers? Have you got any survival tips for those in similar situations?

Frohe Ostern!

These gorgeous little eggs  remind me of making the "Osterbaum" in German classes at school.  The "Osterbaum" are either decorated trees or cut branches which are brought in the house and decorated with hand painted wooden eggs, hollowed our real eggs and other pretty garlands.  What a way to add a festive atmosphere to the Easter Holidays!

If you do choose to follow the link you will see some other lovely finds in the way of easter activities you can do with your children over the break that don't necessarily involve chocolate.  We would love to hear your ideas about how you celebrate in your house.

We hope you have a "Happy Easter" wherever you may be in the world!
 My Midwives x

Keeping Mum

I recently caught up with an old friend of mine who, at 35 weeks' pregnant, was about to become a first time mum.  It was great to see her and to hear her voice overflowing with excitement as she spoke of the upcoming arrival.  We spoke about her future plans; how she intended to take three months off with her newborn and then return to full-time work.  How she was palling an overseas trip to attend a friends' wedding a few months after the baby was born.  How "I won't change who I am for a baby; the baby can fit around our schedule, not the other way around."
I smiled into my glass of wine as I listened, and held my tongue when I was so tempted to do otherwise.  The truth is that I'm only a few years down the track from her.  I, too, remember this excitement, and the pre-baby plans.  Oh, the plans.  What a life with a baby would be like.

As the evening wore on, I began to feel torn.  I desperately wanted to give her advice, to let her know, through my own experiences, how little you can know about a baby before it arrives.  I wanted to explain how overwhelming the love is, how life turns around and your ideas and thoughts are changed forever bay a tiny little being.  I wanted to tell her that there will be bad days - when you can't believe how tired you are, how crappy you feel,  how much crying a little one can do - but that there will also be great ones. 

When I was pregnant, women seemed to appear out of nowhere with a knowing look in their eye and words of wisdom that I did not ask for or want.  I didn't understand it.  Why is everyone trying to get so involved?  And scare me about their birth stories?  And warn me about how much babies cry?

The truth is, all those words of advice I received while pregnant floated above my head.  I listened to everyone's advice and then stored it away in a different compartment, one I chose not to revisit.

The other day I watched, anxiously, as my daughter raced up a hill so fast that I was sure she'd fall.  "Slow down!" I called out after her.  "Leave her, sweetie, she's happy," my husband said. "But what if she falls?" "So she falls." "But what if she hurts herself?" "Then she hurts herself.  Look we can't stop her falling, but we can be there for her if it happens."

I remembered these words as I sat with my glowing friend.  I wanted to tell her all the things I wish I had known before becoming a mum, but I could see how irrelevant they would be to her.  I could see how she would view me as being another one of those women pushing their 'words of wisdom' onto her, when all she wanted was to revel in the joy of pregnancy.  That regardless of what I said to her, she would start her own journey, and no well-meaning advice could stop her from having bad days - nor prepare her for the beauty, exhilaration and exhaustion of life as a mum. 

I couldn't stop her from falling, but I could be there for her when it happened.  And only then - and only if she asked for it - would I offer her advice.
Evelyn Lewin - www.webchild.com.au - June 2011

Sydney and back again!

Last weekend a few of us headed to the big smoke (note the Opera house and Harbour Bridge in the background!) to see the much anticipated "birthy film" The Face of Birth.  If you follow the link there is a three minute teaser. 

There are some really powerful messages throughout the movie so I would recommend trying to get to see it when it comes to a town near you. 

Reaching Out

Recently I was talking to a dear friend about her experience during the postnatal period.  She revealed she had really struggled after her little girl was born and whilst she knew that she could call upon myself or my midwifery colleagues to provide her with care she didn't and couldn't.  I was at a loss as to why when she knew the expertise, referral base, facilities and tools that we could provide her that she didn't reach out. 

It is only now (12 months later) that she feels comfortable admitting what a struggle she had.    Her explanation was that she felt she was a failure if she did ask for help.  Sound like a common theme? 

What is it with women?  Why are we our own worst enemies? 

I was so intrigued by my friends insight I decided to put a post on our Facebook page about women asking for help.  Here are just a few of the responses.  Something else that shouldn't be a surprise, was the amount of responses we did receive. 

"With my second son I would ask for help and people would say "oh everyone feels like that"... I don't think they realised how bad my PND was. I would ask atleast weekly... I gave up after a while cos noone would help."

"When i was in hospital and i couldn't feed my baby, i asked every nurse and midwife who attended me for help. I rang buzzers and sat there letting people squeeze my nipples and force my baby around by the head. Nobody helped me or offered me a pump. I didn't know i could ask. I asked for formula twice and that's the only food my baby got for the first three days of life." 

"I had amazing midwives but I was ashamed to tell them I was struggling so bad! So I didnt.. :( i wish I had because then maybe i would have got help and would remember the first 6mths of my bubbas life.  I think I was just too scared to fail. I was a woman and meant to be a mother but it wasn't what it should have been."

"During my stay in hospital I couldn't settle my first son at all. I was up all night one night and early in the morning I ended up calling the midwife in. I was in tears and told her that he wouldn't settle and that I'd been trying all night. I remember her saying to me in a not very nice tone "well what did you do that for, why didn't you call someone?". I remember feeling completely inadequate as a mother and totally unsupported. My thought process behind not asking for help was that if I can't even get it right in hospital then how on earth am I going to cope at home on my own. I felt I had to do it on my own because that is what everyone does. Luckily I had my mum to support me and don't know where I would have ended up without my mum. This time around of course was much better with the support of the beautiful my midwives group! I didn't have to ask for help because it was always just there."

Clearly women and their families know when women have babies there can be problems with how different people handle the changes to their lives, bodies, emotions and general well being.  Being a new Mum is a huge job and one that we don't receive any training for - yet we consistently see women putting on a brave face instead of reaching out.  Not everyone ends up with postnatal depression but we continue to see a rise in episodes of depression during pregnancy and after birth.

As an initiative Beyond Blue has established "Just Speak Up"  The campaign aims to promote awareness of depression and anxiety in the antenatal and postnatal periods, reduce stigma and provide information about where to get help. 

Perhaps you would consider sharing your story to help others "speak up" about their experiences.   My Midwives is one place in some areas to go for help both antenatally and postnatally. 

What is available in your community?

Moments and Memories

I have been very fortunate to have had the majority of the last two weeks with my family.  I must say it has been difficult to shut down the computer, field the emails and phone calls and generally "switch off", I think I have been running on remote control for the last couple of months.

My holiday has been a time of resting and also reflection about the year. We went to the coast for a week and as I was watching my gorgeous boys in their various activities - swimming, fishing, sand castle making and breaking, it struck me how quickly my babies have turned into little boys.  I know it is cliche because everyone says "how quickly the grow" but it REALLY does. 

I remember vividly the first moments I met our boys, the immediate rush of love for our first and the complete shock of the seconds speedy arrival (the love took a few minutes to arrive with him but no less powerful)!  I really can't believe it is nearly six years ago. 

So some friendly advice to all the mamma's who have just had their babe's or the mamma's tapping their fingers waiting for a niggle.  Take it slowly, relish in the moments, treasure the time, even the tough stuff because before you know it the first day of school approaches and they are starting to paddle into the big wide world.   

All my holiday thinking has brought me to two of my 2012 resolutions - 1. children first and 2. slow down because I want to by part of as many moments and memories as I can. 

Hopefully by writing my resolve here it will keep me honest!    M x
 

My three.